tears & blueprints

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Just the other day, I sat in a room at the doctors office waiting to be seen. From another room a baby was SCREAMING at the top of its lungs. I am still unsure as to why the baby was screaming, but all I could think of was its tears. The screaming was giving me such a headache, but then I thought, "That baby sure will sleep good after crying so much."

About 3 hours ago, my entire family left the house and I decided to stay to get a few things done. Just me and Snickers. I put a cd on intending to motivate me to get things done for work, church planting, and my business. Well... I did get a bunch of work done, but also found myself taking time to seek the heart and face of God. I decided to write down everything I have committed to for the next year. Trying to figure out when there would be meetings, vacation, time to sleep, when to eat, when and where, and the list goes on.  I was getting overwhelmed trying to think of how things were going to get done and how I was going to fulfill everything I felt called to be apart of in this season of my life. So as you can guess, today I too found myself with tears on my cheeks, praying and surrendering everything that I was thinking while in the presence of God.
I'm convinced that if there was one thing that is both the best and worst feeling in the world, it would be: Crying.

The worst is the headache afterwards that last for hours no matter how much water you drink or tylenol you take.
You are drained.
The best part is the release of built up emotion from places inside that you had no idea stored tears.
"Phew... I feel much better."

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The definition of crying is "The shedding of tears as a response and release to an emotional state of the human heart."
Pretty amazing.
I mean think about it... It amazes me how humanity has the ability to release emotion through liquid pouring through the eyes, and how it can be embarrassing for some, or freedom and healing for others.
There are so many reasons why people cry and I once was told that "God loves our tears," regardless of what they are from.

As I was looking through my journal and reading, I found examples everywhere of the faithfulness of God.
I've come to the conclusion that when we don't know why we do what we do, or why we are where we are, God totally does.
In our worry or fear, or anxiousness, or even our discomfort or dissatisfaction, there is a peace and release that comes with surrendering everything. I mean everything.

The picture that comes to mind is a frustrated designer leaning over this table. There are blueprint papers everywhere with notes, ideas and numbers. Nothing makes sense. Hands on his head, he begins to cry, having to let go and trust that the God he knows and loves, is making the best plan ever created. 

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I am in the middle of a season of what feels like never ending transition and uncertainty. Barely anything makes sense. Trying to make a plan only unable to because every store is out of the blueprint paper I need to write it out on.  There are things that remain constant around me (like the sound of video games in the background of all conversations happening in my house). Everyday I have to be intentional to lay down my own plans, my own design, my own project, and take up whatever the Lord has placed for me to do in that day. It is not always glorious. It doesn't always make sense. t is not always rewarding in that moment, and it is not the 1st thing I'd pick to do. However, it is refinement and preparation for the future. It is character building, it is preparing for the battle beyond the wall I have yet to climb over.

I am finding that the only lasting, freeing, and purposeful thing to do is to be honest with God and myself. When I am most honest, I mind that tears follow. Whether they be tears of fear, sadness, excitement, or love, they are still tears. We are called to trust God, and enjoy the ride. Seek him first is what the word of God says to do.

So... where are your blueprints. Are they rolled up, tucked away? Or are they out on the table ready to be written on, and refined?

Habakkuk 2 says to write out a vision, making it very plain. Then, surrender it.

God's plan is the best. It always will be no matter what we do or think.